The Truth Hurts

This plane is definitely the hottest plane I have ever sat in. We are sitting in the terminal waiting to fill up and to get sorted. We are sardines in a can, flying across the Ocean, every one of us on an adventure of some sort. Hot sardines in a can (update- Air-Con happened when we got going, currently in Montreal, waiting for my connecting flight to Ottawa) and how very lucky we are. I just read that there was another suicide bomber, another airport massacre, this time in Turkey. For a brief second while I was waiting at the gate I thought "That could have happened to us! This could happen right now!" But I can't spend my time worrying about being decimated in an airport. More and more, I realize how precious our moments are. This could all be taken away in a split (explosive) second, so I had better be grateful. I truly don't feel a lot about this horrid event, I can't help but wonder WHY? I am not an un-feeling robot kind, I am an artist, open to the world and it's emotions, but somehow, reading the news and/or seeing the horror online/on TV just makes me shake my head and scroll along. Yes, I am privileged because I don't (think) I know any of the dead and I am apathetic because these murderers are making these events seem too normal. "Oh. Another religious zealot wore a B-word?" Huh.... Again? Huh. I think it's disgusting that this behaviour is almost considered normal. I am disgusted in myself. A great deal of my FB 'friends' are sending out 'Love and prayers' to those injured and to the families who lost Loved ones, spending all of twenty seconds commenting on a brutal act, then scrolling along and in almost the same breath laughing at some toddler with an entire tube of lipstick smeared on their face. Ha. Let's not lie to ourselves people, this shit is real and is happening a few hours away to people who might have posted a photo of their (now deceased/blown-up) kid with lipstick all over their face!! Harsh, yes!! But yeah, take that twenty seconds out of your busy day to send Love and prayers. Seriously though, what in the hell can we do about this?? Say nothing instead? Be thankful we were not harmed (yet?) This is getting out of hand and I feel helpless. So yeah, I guess I do feel SOMEthing... Apathetic, helpless and most certainly privileged....

"Die you stupid bastards!" How's that for sending 'prayer vibes' across the sea?

Jeepers. Sorry for all this angst and anger but somebody has to be geniunely angry, it seems to be the best way to get things done, kindness 'Love and prayers' certainly don't seem to be working.

So yeah, scratch that first response of feeling nothing and scrolling along....

Change can only start with ME so I had better smile more, stop and smell the roses more, eat whatever I want, whenever I want and not feel guilty about it about it more, wear the purple hat more, DANCE more, stop caring about what other people think about me more, SING more, hug more, write more, LISTEN and learn more and the best of all, tell my Loved ones I Love them more.

Because you never know when your time is gonna come. Because you never know when that crazy B-word, gun-toting psycho is going to walk around that corner....

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Song Block!

I guess it's a good sign when you wake up with a song in your head, day after day, and it's especially cool if it's your own... Personally I am almost driving myself crazy with it on repeat, replay, repeat and again! Waaaaaaaaaaaa! This melody has been with me for a week now as well as most of the lyrics, but I just can't seem to find the missing puzzle pieces!  I wanted to post it today, to actually present some MUSIC for a change (after all, it is what I have this website for.)  But it isn't always easy to finish something (there are over six hours of unfinished songs in my Iphone!! What am I like??) Sometimes I wish I wasn't so finicky (okay, SOMEtimes I am not! But in most cases, when you are writing a song, every word counts. I remember doing a songwriter's workshop with Singer Songwriter extra-ordinaire Lynn Miles a few years back and she made a point to remind us that every lyric she places in a song has it's own important place. Each "The" and every "and" are intricately considered. Some songs just flow on out, effortlessly, but not today.

So I thought to go out for a hike, to see if the lyrics would reveal themselves. Maybe the creeks and rivers would spark something in me...

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And now I have a bunch more words to consider. But not quite the perfect fit! 

HOPEfully I will be able to share with you some NEW MUSIC next week, or maybe even in the next few days? Gotta dream big... ! I have pages and pages of "brainstorming" happening... The living room's a mess!! Yes,  song writer lives here..... 

A Path, A Road, A Way

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I wanted to be Madonna. It's true, also, I wanted to be Cyndi Lauper, and Janet Jackson. It was hard, not being them, growing up. I was SO into stars, and music, and clearly, dreaming big, my favourite night of the week was Friday so I could watch "Friday Night Videos" and don't get me started on "Intimate & Interactive" on Canada's music TV station "Much Music." I wanted to be a "Mini Pop" and on Saturday mornings my favourite show was "Kids Incorporated." Don't get me started on Musical Youth or Olivia Newton John, either. I had a tickle trunk which I would pore over regularly, so I could find something to make me look the part of who I wanted to be so badly; a musician, a singer, a star.

I was thirteen years old when I sang the first song I ever sang, on stage. It was a piece from the musical "Annie" you may remember called "Tomorrow." I was thrilled with the reaction from the people but still, it would be a few more years until the next live 'on stage' performance. Where I would sing Sinead O'Connor's "Black Boys on Mopeds." I didn't sing again until a few more years, this time the lead in our high school musical "Anything Goes" my name was Reno Sweeney. It was a blast, but I would go onto the University of Ottawa, finish school, and move to Newfoundland before my first solo "Singer Songwriter" gig.

I had big dreams that LUCK would come in and steal me away from my mundane bartending/washroom cleaning/dish scrubbing/serving jobs. But life continued on and things just worked out the way they worked out. There was hope that I would "make it" and it wasn't for years, almost ten years in, that I realized I have made it. Not in the same way that I thought when I was a kid, dreaming about Prince and Annie Lennox, dance moves, costumes, wigs and make-up (which come into play, at times, to be sure, but there is no eighteen wheeler carting my stuff around!)

The most important thing I learned (actually, words of wisdom from Keith Urban, no less!) was that we all have our own path. We forge our own way, and there is value to being an individual, not trying to be someone else.

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It took me years for those words to finally sink in, but thankfully they have and I am very okay with the path that I am on. I wrote this piece today, as a healthy reminder to myself to lessen the self-imposed pressure!  Things get bad sometimes, and I lose a little faith in myself and the path I am on. This is also okay, we all falter and get "lost" at times and we don't feel like we are ever doing enough. Another important thing I found out (through life experience itself) is that life is complex and incredibly intricate. There are HUGE amounts of things that fill up a life, and every single one can have it's own importance... Smell the roses, polish your boots, hug a friend, call your Mother, pay the bills, go for a walk, drink water, cook something healthy, dance to your favourite song, make it happen, work hard, hang your laundry in the sun, soak in a bath, savour chocolate, road-trip, read, paint, Love, laugh, cry, ponder, wander, leave, stay.....

No one is ever any ONE thing.

We are an abundance, and so very lucky to be here, carving out our very own way. 

Travel In Time

Travel has always been something that I have longed to do. When I was seven years old, we (my family; Mum, Dad, brother and I) flew back to Bermuda. My brother and I were both born there, but I returned to Canada when I was around four years old, which leaves a lot to be imagined and much less to be remembered. That flight back to my first home felt like my first time in an airplane; the feel of the smooth seat covers, the glide of the window shades; up, down, up, down, the neatly bundled airline branded silver cutlery, the tidy meal tray, the metal/canvas/bizarre liquid smell of the plane, the discovery of how to balance ear pressure with a simple yawn, and the view! The view out the window, seeing the world from above; the tiny cars, the plots of land, the lakes, the bizarrely beautiful cloud formations....

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I have always wondered, what is it that makes people want to stay in one place? MONEY problems aside (because there is always a way to get what you want i.e Cigarettes and alcohol come to mind.. where there is a will, there is a way!) I am guessing the main reason people tend to 'stay put' is fear. Fear of the new, fear of change and fear of the unknown. You would be surprised at how YOU you still are in other countries. You do learn new things (language, geography) meet new people (keep in mind there are all kinds everywhere; energy stealers, bartenders, constructions workers, writers, dancers, dunces, artists, arses, buskers, bakers, jokers, joggers, liars, looters, snobs and stars: just like at home!! You will be introduced to some local culinary deliciousness', you will be in awe of new (and very old) architecture and you'll feel SOMEwhat different in a new country but that is likely due to the THRILL of being somewhere new and far away from home. To be sure, however, you will always be YOU, wherever you may be.

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People who don't tend to travel, romanticize travel. Folks tell me how they long to see the Louvre, or the dreamy Eiffel Tower (neither of which I have seen, yet) I hear about all these fantastic fantasies of wine-tasting in the South of France, or inhaling the salty beach air of the Bahamas (also things I have yet to do.) There are an incredibly and over-whelming amount of destinations out there to discover. You can not know the feeling of walking the length of the Berlin wall in the rain or the enormous orchestra of sound from tree frogs at night in the tropics, or the taste of freshly caught Digby scallops pan-fried in butter, or the feel of the slippery rocks of the Giant's Causeway underfoot, or the immense magic behind the walls of a an eight hundred year old castle, or that satisfaction of seeing an entire train shooting across the fields of the Canadian prairies. You will, most definitely FEEL a great many things when you leave the comfort of your own home, but least of all fear. And, if you are lucky, those romantic notions you dream up might actually be real, somewhere, out there.

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