Slow internet, cranky keyboards, uploads not uploading, late buses, canceled planes, burnt toast. Smashed coffee mugs, empty milk jugs, broken chairs, wonky blinds, burnt out light bulbs. Dying plants in the window, sulphur water. Upstairs neighbours loud music, a never-ending search for keys. Losing something. Laundry piles, no clean clothes, a misplaced favourite scarf. Tardiness, broken finger nails, stubbed toe. Broken window, dead flowers. One single mosquito buzzing around your head late at night. Mouse droppings under your kitchen sink. Irritable, sleepy toddler. Expired coupon. Worn tires. Deluded daydreams, misunderstanding telephone company representative, slow grocery lines. Dysfunctional ATM machine. Damaged coffee machine, empty coffee container. Busted window, leaky roof. Out-dated counter tops, obsolete Iphone. Ripped jacket, faded curtains. Dirty floors, shattered mirror.

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A house no longer. No bed to sleep in. An empty fridge, no more electricity. No blankets, no shoes, no jacket, freezing cold, heavy heart, empty heart, abandoned. Homelessness. Wasted innocence. Child soldier. No more time, imminent explosion. Stolen dreams, sabotaged certainty. Soulless. Defecation filled water source, deaf ears, closed. Slumped shoulders, sad eyes, hope no more. Hate-filled, harbouring anger, enraged hallucinations, plummeting self. Fear mongers. Destroyed life, destruction. Rape. Mother Earth in ruins. Plastic-filled Oceans, dying whales. Abused animals, starvation. Unresponsive human, murdered daughters.

One simple kiss. A bowl of fruit. Dancing hand in hand. Singing under the stars. Wind in your hair, open windows. Acceptance, unconditional Love. A quiet mind, courageous will. Tenacious soul. Carrying love, giving love, reveling in love. Water fall, forest floor. The sound of a birds wing whooshing above you. A canoe's paddle striking through water. The crackle of a campfire. Smell of fresh bread baking, the taste of fresh bread and melted butter. Butterflies. Heart beating. Candlelight, wood stove, hot tea. Smiling eyes, laughter pains. A full belly. Marshmallow Bed. Spontaneity. Full flavour, perfectly seasoned. An old friend. A new friend. Unbreakable trust. Wholeheartedness. Faith, belief, fate, coincidence, Love. A seashore, a mandolin. A violin. Finger picking, gardening. Plants, tomatoes. Sunflowers, sun dog. The feeling of a warm embrace, the feeling of a warm summers breeze, that feeling of jumping into a cool river on a hot day. The scent of Autumn leaves. The sound of crickets, of tree frogs. Drum and bass. Authenticity, rawness, dirt-in-fingernails.Sweat. Full-filled desires. Comfort, ice cream. Colour, lakes, crescent moon. Birdsong. A hammock. Newborn toes. The scent of a rose bush. Positive vibrations. A mountain view. Sawdust. Cedar. Surround sound stereo. Serendipity.

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Love,

Lindsay

When I start to write I need a soundtrack. We all know that music guides us, somehow, whether in it's ability to conjure up memories or in it's might in stirring our emotions. Think about the time you were listening to the radio in the car and suddenly Alphaville's "Forever Young" came on. Recently I heard it and there I was, right back at Summer Camp, I could almost smell the campfire. Maybe that song does nothing for you, but I am sure there are songs that can take you back, instantly, to a spot in your life, somewhere far away. I find listening to music, while I write, brings more soul into the things I ramble on about. Today's choice is a new record that I picked up while in Ottawa, at Compact Music. Thanks Ian Boyd for keeping an old fashioned record store ALIVE!!! (consequently you can get my new record there too! Ha!)

José Gonzalez first came into my life one Summer at The Ottawa Bluesfest more than a few years back. I was astounded at the amount in the crowd on a Saturday afternoon, all of whom were singing along to this Solo Singer-Songwriter from Sweden. I was sold within the first two bars of his first song, and mesmerized by him for the rest of his show. I now own a few of his records. His music guides me at the moment, have a listen to this song and tell me it doesn't move you somehow! Introducing "Let It Carry You" just one of the great tunes from his newest record "Vestiges and Claws."

Music moves, music inspires. More and more this has become evident to me, as I try to find meaning in a fast-paced-almost-soulless music "industry." In the past years I have spent so much time worrying about things that are not in my power to control, things that have no bearing to the music which comes out of me. And really, the music itself is the most important part. I have been told once and again that all I need to do is write the "right" song and get my music played on the radio. These two bits of advice are pretty smart. The ins and outs of HOW to do it, now therein lies the problem, but the one thing I can do, is to keep trying for that ONE SONG. Batten down the hatches and write, and then write some more, to my own soundtrack.

For a long time, I thought I was creating the music for you. As I get older and wiser, it isn't something that I need to do for you, but rather, I need to do it for me. It used to be that I needed your affection, approval, validation etc but now I know that all I need to feel fulfilled is to keep on making music, in all it's shades and colour. It's the music itself! I want your support, I like it. It helps me in many ways, not the least it just makes me feel good inside. Does it ever feel awesome when I see your beautiful eyes looking at me with Love in them, after you have felt something from my music. Wow. What a rush indeed! But the rush that comes from the musical dreaming that I am attached to, that tops it all. So I guess I just have to remember my gift when I am searching for "likes" on social media. Ha! If only that riddle was easily solved. So, go on, like this post eh? Share this post, eh?? The conundrum of being a musician on several social platforms in need of support while trying to demystify it all and be at peace with the gift itself.

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My Uncle once told me that all I needed to do (at the very least!) was one thing every day towards my music career. Then at the end of the year, at the very least, those things would tally up to three hundred and sixty five 'somethings' that I did to get my musical self out there. So, today I write a bit about who I am, what kinds of things I think about, how music helps, what music I enjoy.. and I put myself out there.

Thanks for reading,

Love Lindsay

Sadness, Still

A Musical Dream

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