Ta-Ta Thirties!!

Were you scared of turning over into the BIG FOUR OH? How did you feel leaving your thirties? Perhaps you are reading this and are nowhere near either age and probably even think that forty is old! Once upon a time, I thought forty was old. But now that I am days away from leaving my thirties forever, I realize I am still me and feel, inside, ageless. I see lines appearing on my face and other various parts of my body, lines that were never there before, and to me, they are just there and nothing more than expressions of life continuing to live.

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A decade of living in my thirties has taught me a a lot. From that first night, celebrated in Wakefield, Quebec at Kaffe 1870, (one of the sweetest little pubs in the world) I sang my heart out on that little stage and we made a right 'ole night of it. That night was the catapult into my song-writing adventures as a committed musician. I was moving away from Wakefield to live my life as the Singer I was meant to be. I'd dabbled in music for years before that but by the time I hit thirty, I was ready to take it on, full time. It was my first year as a professional in the industry...I would go on to write enough songs to record my very first full length record "Sound."   I had the whole world at my fingertips and I still do. WE still do. Anything is possible.

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Forty seemed so far away. How could I ever be ready for such an elephantine age? But somehow, I will ease into it with grace and I am ready. Life is like that, you don't even know it, but it is preparing us, every second for whatever comes our way. If only I knew then what I know now, so many moments of worry and fear would have been non-existent. It IS true, life after thirty changes, something shifts inside and room for wisdom is made. Some things we wish we could UN learn, but the steadfast beat of the ever-thumping time drum keeps on keeping on.

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The wheel just doesn't stop so there is no point in fighting it. One thing for sure that I have learned over the course of my life, is that it only gets better. At one point I feared getting older. Now I know that you don't get older, you get wiser! Sure, I mentioned the collection of lines, earlier, but really we just collect knowledge. I Love that. Certainly we don't always use our new-found wisdom, and would rather disregard some things (we are human and occasionally need to drink MORE water on a Sunday morning! When will we ever learn?)  I suppose the biggest lessons I learned from my thirties had to with Self. Self Love. Self acceptance. Self awareness. Self respect. Perhaps it sounds Self ISH, but we are only given one life and we have to live with ourselves for the rest of it. I wanted to impart some of the insights I found while living through this last decade, but these words from Herman Hesse sum it up quite nicely.

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So, there it is. The next time I write, I will be Forty years and counting. Today, right this second I am the youngest I will ever be and the oldest I have ever been.

Love.

A Musical Dream

When I start to write I need a soundtrack. We all know that music guides us, somehow, whether in it's ability to conjure up memories or in it's might in stirring our emotions. Think about the time you were listening to the radio in the car and suddenly Alphaville's "Forever Young" came on. Recently I heard it and there I was, right back at Summer Camp, I could almost smell the campfire. Maybe that song does nothing for you, but I am sure there are songs that can take you back, instantly, to a spot in your life, somewhere far away. I find listening to music, while I write, brings more soul into the things I ramble on about. Today's choice is a new record that I picked up while in Ottawa, at Compact Music. Thanks Ian Boyd for keeping an old fashioned record store ALIVE!!! (consequently you can get my new record there too! Ha!) 

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José Gonzalez first came into my life one Summer at The Ottawa Bluesfest more than a few years back. I was astounded at the amount in the crowd on a Saturday afternoon, all of whom were singing along to this Solo Singer-Songwriter from Sweden. I was sold within the first two bars of his first song, and mesmerized by him for the rest of his show. I now own a few of his records. His music guides me at the moment, have a listen to this song and tell me it doesn't move you somehow! Introducing "Let It Carry You" just one of the great tunes from his newest record "Vestiges and Claws."  

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Music moves, music inspires. More and more this has become evident to me, as I try to find meaning in a fast-paced-almost-soulless music "industry." In the past years I have spent so much time worrying about things that are not in my power to control, things that have no bearing to the music which comes out of me. And really, the music itself is the most important part. I have been told once and again that all I need to do is write the "right" song and get my music played on the radio. These two bits of advice are pretty smart. The ins and outs of HOW to do it, now therein lies the problem, but the one thing I can do, is to keep trying for that ONE SONG. Batten down the hatches and write, and then write some more, to my own soundtrack.

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For a long time, I thought I was creating the music for you. As I get older and wiser, it isn't something that I need to do for you, but rather, I need to do it for me. It used to be that I needed your affection, approval, validation etc but now I know that all I need to feel fulfilled is to keep on making music, in all it's shades and colour. It's the music itself!  I want your support, I like it. It helps me in many ways, not the least it just makes me feel good inside. Does it ever feel awesome when I see your beautiful eyes looking at me with Love in them, after you have felt something from my music. Wow. What a rush indeed! But the rush that comes from the musical dreaming that I am attached to, that tops it all. So I guess I just have to remember my gift when I am searching for "likes" on social media. Ha! If only that riddle was easily solved. So, go on, like this post eh? Share this post, eh?? The conundrum of being a musician on several social platforms in need of support while trying to demystify it all and be at peace with the gift itself. 

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My Uncle once told me that all I needed to do (at the very least!) was one thing every day towards my music career. Then at the end of the year, at the very least, those things would tally up to three hundred and sixty five 'somethings' that I did to get my  musical self out there.  So, today I write a bit about who I am, what kinds of things I think about, how music helps, what music I enjoy.. and I put myself out there.

Thanks for reading,

Love Lindsay 

Step Out of the Rush

I wrote an entire blog today. Well, I wrote one and a half blogs today, and at the end of this piece of writing it will actually be three, but i had to delete all the work I did on this last and third try because of a faulty I don't know what. So inputting this essay has nearly driven me BONKERS today. There have been swear words and a few tears even. I know, what am I like?? I lost the first try because of a mishap on my website program, and I hope that won't happen again! The second one I wrote over the course of the morning and when I came home from my afternoon hike in the forest, to edit it, I just wasn't feeling the vibe at all. Lately, I've been on about communication and interconnectedness. How people are literally entwined, I mean how many small world stories have you participated in? Where was the craziest place, the most random place you have ever met someone from another part of your life? Perhaps you run into many of these small world scenarios. You might even like to call them coincidences. I Love syncronicity or Déjà vu, even.  It hits home in a way that says I'm in the right place at the right time. 

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How do you stifle stress? Sometimes I get thinking about the  Hubble Telescope and just know that there is SO much more out there, that we are SO small in the grand scheme of things.

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Does fear drive us to be who we are? Fear of what others say, how others might act, what others might think of us. Fear of not living true to ourselves, fear of not living our dreams, fear of not being able to pay the bills. My god, I am starting to ache all over just thinking about it. If I believe in the idea that we are all connected, then I must believe that we all have very similar traits and characteristics and are mostly not alone in all the ups and downs. I Love that about us, but I can't help but wonder what makes one person a naysayer and cynic and another an optimist? Is it in the genes, were we born the way we are or is our behaviour learned from our parents/how we were raised? I am sure there is a science to it, but still I am curious. Of course, I can't spend TOO much time on this stuff, there are so many things to do! Book, play, cook, write, create, live and learn. But oen thing for sure, something that I learned though music, a long time ago you just have to step out of the rush from time to time. Here is one of my favourite Fat Freddy's Drop songs... "ERNIE"... have a listen and let the music move you.

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Until we meet again, I will prepare a few songs for my show in Thun next week, on November 5th at  "Mundwerk." It is this really old cellar under the city and the acoustics are amazing!  Also on the horizon is some new jewelry that I have been working on, crafted from some driftwood I collected in northern B.C this past Summer. It has been SUPER fun creating little pieces of art from nature's art. It is such a relief to break away from the computer/industry side of music, sometimes you just have to craft in other ways. But I DO have a new song in the works. It has been keeping me up in the middle of the night. Maybe once it is finished I will sleep again! Ha... Sorry Mum's out there. NOT complaining about sleep. Not doing that!!!

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Anyway have a great rest of the week!

Hugs,

Lindsay, Crafter and Composer

We Are Warriors

We might not be fighting a war, half naked, wearing pelts to keep us warm, with purple lips, lice filled hair, our bodies caked with mud and blood. We might not be fighting herds of axe carrying humans leaving hoards of the dead in our wake. No, we are living in a much later time, somewhat as barbaric but nowhere near the days when humans believed the Earth was flat. We can, however, still be warriors in our own right.

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Every person is fighting something. I wake up some mornings, groggy, fighting the desire to return to my dreaming. Instead I focus on my breathing and prepare for the day ahead, visualizing what will become of it. Centering myself in light and hoping for a fresh perspective, hoping for the essence of positivity.  Some mornings I am too tired to meditate on this, or too busy/late to think about it. Doubting if any of it works anyway.  Focusing on what is good in life, does not always make me feel good. My inner fight between resistance and doing is constant. Game of Thrones or Guitar? Sweeping or Singing? Hiking or Hiding? There is always a choice and always an opposite. I am always in the "throws." Assuming you are too, what is the secret? To do or not to do.

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Speaking of TWO MINDS... here is a song from my new RECORD featuring JOFO https://soundcloud.com/secretchameleon/two-minds JOFO has also just released an awesome record... Check HIM out HERE

We always get through, don't we? One foot in front of the other. I suppose there are ways to enhance our days, perhaps meditating on the good stuff, incorporating that into our daily lives (like I try to do in the mornings!) Maybe those seemingly small things are what makes it all okay at the end of the day.  I do know that all of it takes hard work. It is true that nothing great comes easy and fast. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday, about the music industry (a can of worms!) She is just about to release her first album and is feeling defeated. I too feel this on a regular basis, there is nothing quite like comparing ourselves to others!  I am almost ten years in and am working on NOT doing this. Still, we bust our butts and climb that mountain! There is no try, there is only Do or Do Not. (Thanks Yoda) That inner fighting continues "Am I good enough?"  Quieting the negative and holding onto your Warrior. This is what matters....

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There is so much noise out there though! So many people with so many opinions. It is so hard to figure out what to learn from and what to leave. Don't we all get mixed up sometimes? Where to draw the line, what to keep and what to discard. It's funny, someone will mention to me after a concert, how touched they were by my performance. I need those words of encouragement! Sometimes though, 'the not so pretty' stuff sticks and I find myself in the middle of singing a song, thinking about that time someone told me they didn't like the song. That I shouldn't sing it at all. If only we could hold on tight to what matters and let go of what does not. It is a constant struggle though, isn't it? Oh to be a warrior!!

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I can only do what is best for me and hope that in some tiny way I am getting through to someone out there. It is true, not everything I do will resonate in a positive manner, but I will do my best to fight the resistance within, release the harmful thoughts of others and be that warrior!! 

Hugs and Love from a computer somewhere..

Lindsay xo