I Love to write. Being creative with words, stringing sentences together turning little black lines into something you can see and or think about is quite something. Finding a topic to write about when life has been good to you, now therein lies the challenge. Writing about pain is so very easy, even therapeutic, but (as I look up to the stars) I thank my lucky stars that I am not in the throws of pain at this very moment... but let me tell you, I suffered for years.
I didn't find my one true Love until I was in my early 30's. Obviously I, being a Lover of Love, had to do a lot of research to find the right guy. My first boyfriend came into my life when I was sixteen years old, so believe me when I say I tried and tried again.
Today I am going to share a few little tidbits of (powerful) information that I have learned about human interaction (with regards to relationships, more specifically.) Firstly, let me tell you that I did it wrong for YEARS. I chose the wrong guy after the wrong guy after the wrong guy, and just when I said, I will take a year off to set things straight, to try to figure out what is RIGHT; I came back in full swing, choosing the wrong guy after the wrong guy after the wrong guy.
When they don't call you shortly after your first meeting, they DID NOT lose your number. So do NOT text them! Wait for them to text you (call you, facebook you etc etc) ~seriously, I hear some of you saying but why is it up to the guy to call?? because, Dear, YOU are into them, clearly, and you want them to be into you and they have to want to come to you. If they are into YOU, they will call. Let them call! And, warning, if they choose to call you, text you, facebook you late at night, then they are not interested in your soul, they are interested in having fun (which does not have to be a bad thing but if you are anything like me, there is a small seed of hope when that message comes in, or when you spend that second night together, a seed that you hope starts sprouting into Love.) One thing that is also very, very important, is listening to your gutt, or that wee voice that usually comes in as a whisper of doubt. Did you happen to hear something that sounded like a) Umm, this guy is WAY too hot, this is not gonna work or b) Ummm, this guy has a lazy eye, it kind of freaks me out or c) This guy talks about himself a lot, and really hasn't asked me any questions... but heck is he ever cute.... (okay, you get my drift and now I know that if there were doubts right from the start then this is NOT “the” guy.) When I think back to my “boyfriends” (some of whom I like to think actually were my boyfriends, but they were NOT) I can see that there was always a whisper of a doubt. Like, this guy has too much baggage (kids + crazy ex, mental issues) or this guy snorts/spits too much or this guy still lives with his parents. Too many red flags, but I busted through them with one big helping of HOPE in every case. Unfortunately, it took me years to start hearing that whisper.
So, here we are a few weeks/months in (with the wrong guy.) Shoot! He keeps coming home drunk and last week he peed in the corner of the bedroom, and last night he peed in the bed!! Of course he was sorry the next day and made you your favourite pancakes. (On a side note, this person could also be a girl, but my experiences include the male gender. All types of people can be lost and not ready to be in a relationship with you.) So how about the guy who calls you a bitch or something worse? Thankfully I came from a home where name-calling was not an option, which in turn is something I will not stand for, nor should you! Also, if he cheats on you, he is not that into you. If you take him back after cheating, he might do it again, and come on, would you REALLY ever trust him again?? What does your gutt say?
I could go on and on about what not to do, hindsight is 20/20 right??? All these heart-breaking experiences have led me into finally do the right thing, so there's that. I don't have any regrets, but if I can help one person get out of a situation that they know DEEP DOWN they should NOT be in, then I have done something good and right. If it smells good, looks good and feels good, then it is good.
Luckily I can syphon all my pain through music. If you listen to my music you will hear many examples of this. These days, of course problems still arise, but I feel it in my gutt that I made the right decision by marrying a man who Loves me to bits, never calls me names and always pees in the toilet (or in the field behind the house.) We have our ups and downs, living with someone can feel like riding a roller coaster at times (humans are moody and emotional, right?) but every fibre of my being sways towards Love when I think of him. It took me long enough.
“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.” ? Ernest Hemingway