When I am falling asleep at night, my thoughts swim between daydreams and nightmares. I seek truth and peace, yet I get caught up in all the things I haven't done yet. My heart starts beating a little faster, and sleep escapes me for a time. Mostly, I try to put myself at ease by dreaming up an entirely different story to my life; perhaps I am on an enchanted Island swimming with the fishes, or I am spy traveling to an exotic place, trying to solve life's mysteries...Many people I have delved into conversation with about this, suffer the same, getting caught up in the mind, letting thoughts take over, be it in parenting, or creative arts, there is always something we need to do (aah, the sweet joys of life longing for itself!!) I remember when I was studying in University and all of my exams were coming up one right after the other (imagine that!) I didn't know what to do, all these words/phrases/thoughts running around, new found wisdom seeping into other new found wisdom, Geography meets Buddhism; Criminology meets Literature. School was never easy for me, the only classes I ever aced were Spelling and Musical Arts. My Mum imparted her motherly wisdom to me one night, while I was fretting about not being able to handle it all... Focus on that one thing, when that is finished, focus on that next thing (sounds so easy, right?) Imagine trying to organizing all of my inside chaos into a straight line? I suppose living linear, somehow, that profound idea of "one foot in front of the other" is the path to choose. Living as a musician can be just as daunting, what with submitting to festivals, grants, venues, workshops, and the greatest feat of ALL, submitting myself entirely to the sounds of music that so desperately want to break out of me. Now there's a triumph! Focusing on the creation part, what with all the noise of the "I have to do's!" Well, I have been reading a wonderful book, that basically says "Shut up and just do it!" It's called "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield and I have learned that the only thing in the way of me is actually ME! Earlier this Summer, I was at a family gathering and was speaking to a second or third cousin,or second cousin once removed or something, err, someone like that... We were talking about just that, the art of getting in the way of oneself and I woke up the next morning with a text in my phone, a reminder from my second or third cousin or second cousin once removed which read "You are your own Brick Wall." Truer words were never written. It's time to play. Once you start, akin to exercise, the good stuff comes.
I am going to try really hard to stop acting the part of the Brick Wall!
Who's with me??